Free Online Horror Film Festival

I just got an email about this! It sounds awesome. Now through Halloween, visit the free Diabolical Horror Film Festival. There's no charge to watch anything on their site! They have some full short films plus trailers for new features and shorts currently making the festival rounds. Only for a limited time though so get over there quick! More full films will be up soon. The direct link to their Screening Room is right here. The full shorts will be taken down after October 31st so catch them while you can!

Review: House II: The Second Story (1987)

I was a bit disappointed with this since it didn't seem like a sequel at all. It's not really related to the first one in the slightest except it's yet another house hooked into an alternate dimension or something but this feels much more like an adventure movie. I guess it's not bad really but you get less monsters. The story focuses on a glowing crystal skull (please don't remind me of Indiana Jones 4: Don't Repeat Its Full Name) that again has nothing to do with the original movie. Instead of more cool monsters, you get a caveman bodybuilder type and some Aztec natives or something. That is a little weak in my opinion. There are a couple dinosaurs but sadly no T-Rex and then there's a large mutant rat (I think that's what it was). Bill Maher shows up (he's an actor?). The kid spends the whole movie with his decaying zombie grandpa who is pretty funny and they befriends some kind of giant caterpillar dog. A little weird there then the big bad is another decaying old dude who wants the skull for himself. Eh it was alright. I prefer the first film. Very little horror in this one.

Review: House (1986)

Can't believe it took me so long to watch this one. It was fantastic. Loved the old school FX. That fat monster lady reminded me of The Evil Dead. Is it just me or did this film have one of the best posters? I always remember seeing it as a kid. Sadly, there's nothing in it that reaches that level of creepy goodness. The movie is definitely more of a horror comedy but you still get some pretty sinister creatures. The winged skeleton that stole the shotgun was pretty amazing. I'm a sucker for stop motion animation. I really didn't expect all the Vietnam flashbacks. The film actually seems quite centered around that and the big bad villain at the end, his undead soldier friend, was nicely menacing (again love the FX). The first monster that jumps out of the closet was also very frightening. That almost seemed like a Giger Cronenberg creature or something. It was brilliant. I like his goofy neighbor too who thinks he hit the jackpot with a famous author neighbor only to be drawn into a real nightmare.

Review: Dead Ringers (1988)

Definitely another masterpiece of Cronenberg. Of course, Jeremy Irons is phenomenal. The subtle character work he does as each twin is mesmerizing here. I was completely engrossed the entire running time right up to the tragic finale. Geneviève Bujold is also amazing. You really see how complex human relationships can be and all the different psychological factors that come into play. At first, it's just amusing the way the twins unknowingly switch with their partners or patients but then once real love strikes, it takes a dark turn especially when Bev's fragile nature comes into play. It's pretty heartbreaking. On the other hand, the opening is quite funny when the twins, just mere boys, casually ask a next door girl for sex in a bathtub to conduct their own scientific experiment without realizing how inappropriate that request is. It sets them up quite well (science geeks) and even foreshadows where they will get in trouble in the future (relationships with women). The writing is brilliant and clever. The final image horrific and aching with real pain. One of my top Cronenberg films.

Review: Motel Hell (1980)

How does this have a 6.1 on IMDb? I love '80s horror too, but this is a mess. Nothing much happens in this movie. It's quite boring. Huge kill count? No. Is it a slasher? Not really. What is it? Basically, a very dull Texas Chainsaw ripoff. You get some demented farmers burying people up to their heads to flavor their food but it's kind of a slog to get through. The Scream Factory Blu-ray cover sold me on it big time but the pictured psycho killer with a pig mask and chainsaw doesn't occur until the very end. The poster to the left is much more accurate (and by accurate, I mean it shows you the movie ain't going to be very good). I guess it's supposed to be a parody but it's not very funny. I love black humor but I didn't laugh much at all during this. Too many people have nostalgia blinders on, which I can understand (again I love '80s horror and I'm always looking for more I overlooked) but this film is a massive letdown. I don't blame Scream Factory (love their Blu-rays and awesome special features) but their cool cover is completely misleading. Cool title. Weak movie.

Review: Suicide Club (2001)

Time for a little Japanese horror. The opening scene is nuts. Gorehounds, welcome to heaven. Sadly, not much after lives up to that. The ending is rather limp. Ok, it's symbolic. Still limp. I do like the unique style of the film, and the fate of the detective is truly tragic. Poor bastard. Japan has the highest suicide rate of any developed country so there's plenty of material to mine there although I think this film could've done more to explore that. In a way, they do with the detective clearly working too much and being disconnected from his family as a result but there are many other things going on beneath the surface in Japan like all the hidden pressure that could've added more to this. Of course, I'm still a big fan. I love Japanese horror. I don't think we could've got a movie like this in America. Definitely not but I don't think it's perfect. The killer teen cult that abducts and tortures girls reminds me of A Clockwork Orange but not done nearly as well. I like how they try to claim responsibility though to get famous when it's clear they're not really behind it. It's an interesting film.

Review: Spring (2014)

Quite good and different. I didn't know what to expect, but I liked it a lot. A unique love story to say the least. The acting is extremely believable and natural. Plus, the Italian location is insanely beautiful like the lead actress. There is a tiny touch of CGI, but I think it's handled rather well. All the effects and transformations are pretty cool. It could've used a little more horror I guess since it's light on scares and more of a romantic drama; however, I don't think all horror films need to be the same. That is actually one of the best parts of the horror genre: its flexibility. You can really tell whatever kind of story you want. I really love the opening of Spring. It quickly gets you on the side of the main character and makes him sympathetic. Even when he gets into a fight, he does it to save his friend. That is smart storytelling. This kind of character could've easily gotten annoying via "woe is me" all the time, but they wisely sidestep that dilemma. I'm always a fan of Lovecraftian twists, and this one definitely doesn't disappoint especially for an indie.

Review: A Horrible Way to Die (2010)

Not bad but pretty long and the constant fading to black then starting a scene out-of-focus only to go out-of-focus again at the end isn't bad by itself but when the film does it over and over again, it was a bit annoying. The score is creepy though and establishes a great sense of unease. The first scene gets things off to a nice dark start, and I like the lead actor (AJ Bowen from You're Next, The Signal, The House of the Devil, etc.). I think the writing is quite good too, and the twist at the end was well done although some seem to hate it, but I disagree... I didn't see it coming at all. I wouldn't say it's up there with Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer, but it's an indie made for $96,000 (can't believe it cost that much actually) so you can't expect The Silence of the Lambs. It's absolutely the best low-budget independent film on a serial killer I've ever seen. True, I haven't seen many of those, but the movie is pretty good, and it's clear both the writer and the director are talented (we did get You're Next from them after all and The Guest!).

Review: Wolf Creek 2 (2013)

Damn, this movie sucks. The first scene is pretty good, and I like Mick Taylor, but they don't develop any of the characters so it gets boring real quick. If you don't know your leads and care about them, it's all pointless. I wasn't even a big fan of the first film, and this sequel feels even more tedious. I've seen plenty of these kinds of movies. There isn't anything unpredictable or new here. There was a pretty funny but over-the-top sequence with some kangaroos I wasn't expecting; however, I don't know if that was really good or just so silly I laughed. I wish they explored Mick's character more, but they really don't (he's an xenophobic psycho... got it last time... how about something new?), and the foreigners in the outback are pretty much blank slates. It's a shame because the acting isn't bad, but they've got nothing to work with. This German guy has a German girlfriend. He likes her. Australia is beautiful. Great, where the fuck are the characters? What the hell is unique about these people? Why should I care? Don't waste your time.
 

Review: Blood Glacier (2013)

I like the practical effects even though sometimes, they're a little too stiff and not as good as they could be. Plus, you never get a great look at the monsters like you want. The little bit of CGI is done well too aside from the blood glacier itself, which doesn't look so realistic. The major issue with this film is the horribly-stupid, hilariously-bad ending. What were they thinking? It's so bizarre and silly. I won't spoil it for you, but I think for 99% of the people out there, it's going to ruin the movie, which really was pretty good until they decided to jump off a cliff with that bonkers finale. I get that they kind of set it up, but it still doesn't make any sense, and it isn't believable at all. I was insanely excited for this one too, and I was into it until the filmmakers decided to metaphorically put a gun to their head. It really has to be one of the worst endings ever. It sucks too, because what I'd love to see more of are monster movies with good, old-fashioned F/X. Oh well, I hope Harbinger Down is good.

Review: Curse of Chucky (2013)

I'll admit I was worried at the beginning. I've liked all of the Child's Play films even though I didn't see Seed of Chucky. Not sure I want to take the risk on that one since most seem to hate it. This latest sequel took a bit to get going, but there are so many great surprises and twists in it tying back to the previous entries that I have a hard time believing any Chucky fan wouldn't like it. The extra bonus after the unrated version's end credits is quite fun too. Don Mancini included it to show how the entire series would end just in case another movie is never made. The acting is good all around especially Brad Dourif, of course, who nails it as always. His daughter turns in a nice performance as well. Chucky is definitely taken back to his more creepy, sinister roots. Characters that seem one-note and predictable don't stay that way for long. Maybe I'm just gullible, but there is so much I didn't see coming. I'll have to give Seed a try sometime just to complete the series.
 

Who wants to play hide the soul?

Review: Banshee Chapter (2013)

The true events behind this film are much more fascinating and terrifying than the end product unfortunately. There are definitely some creepy moments but the main investigative story fails to be compelling. You've got a female reporter trying to find out what really happened to her friend who she may or may not have been in love with (probably should've opted for the latter since it's hard for the audience to get invested in a relationship if the girl doesn't even know how she feels about the guy). I know this movie didn't have a huge budget, but it's also too small for its own good. You barely get to see any monsters or experiments, and the ending just made me go, "That's it?" Ted Levine who we all know as Jame Gumb from The Silence of the Lambs is excellent and helps liven things up a bit, but he doesn't get that much to do. They mostly wander around, attempting to solve the mystery, but there isn't any ticking clock or narrative device to build momentum. Making a horror film based on these real events is a brilliant idea if only they could've mined it for its true potential. It's ok but not as good as it could've been.

Review: Riddick (2013)

I love Pitch Black, but The Chronicles of Riddick disappointed me especially the damn shaky cam and over-lit fake-looking sets. I didn't care about the mythology. Calling his home planet "Furya" was just dumb and far too obvious. Alexa Davalos was incredible in that sequel though. I really liked her character, and the film had a good ending. When rumors of another one suggested it'd go back to more Pitch Black territory, I was really looking forward to it. Sadly, I was pretty underwhelmed again. The writer/director avoids shaky cam this time, but the film is full of cruddy CGI, and it's almost a complete rehash of Pitch Black except they have characters you don't care about, a weak silly contrived ending, etc. The monsters are also fairly weak, and there's only one type of them throughout the whole freakin film. I liked his furry companion, but the CGI sucked. It was like a bad cartoon. Plus, after The Chronicles of Riddick, Diesel's character has kind of lost his edge. You can't do Pitch Black again without bringing something new to it.

I miss her.

Review: We Are What We Are (2013)

I'm a big fan of Stake Land, the writer/director's last film, and I also like Mulberry Street (you got to keep in mind it's a no-budget first feature, but it isn't bad). I hate this remake though. It starts out alright. There is a great moment early on when the father suddenly snaps at his son, breaking the slow pacing, but these characters don't feel real at all. I didn't care about them so the whole thing became incredibly boring. Plus, the shit they do later on is just insane and doesn't make any sense, which is the point I guess, but without being invested in the sisters or seeing any real humanity in the father, the film completely lost me. What was obviously supposed to be a shocking scene at the end turned comedic. I wanted to like this movie, but it didn't even remotely work for me aside from the beginning. If they had developed the characters better and made the history of why they're doing what they're doing more understandable so we could see it through their eyes, it could've been interesting, but I don't recommend it. I'm curious about the original film though.

Review: The Conjuring (2013)

Quite good and creepy. I like Patrick Wilson a lot ever since Watchmen (even Hard Candy although he plays a disturbing scumbag in that, but he's a great actor). There is one dumb bit of cgi showing some black figures attached to the family members and some cg puke (ok, ok, a breaking chair too), but they only stand out since there is so little computer FX in this. It's definitely nice to have the emphasis on good old fashioned scares and atmosphere instead. The Warrens make for some great main characters, and the way they acknowledge all the skepticism helps your suspension of disbelief. The poster with the doll on it is pretty misleading, but I like marketing that doesn't ruin the movie. Wan does an excellent job directing this, and it feels different enough from Insidious so you don't feel like you're watching the same film regardless of the cast and crew similarities. Of course, it doesn't beat The Exorcist, but compared to most of the crap these days, it's outstanding.

Review: Monster Brawl (2011)

The idea of having all these classic monsters duke it out is genius, but the final result is unbelievably boring. The first time I tried to watch it I shut it off after 20 minutes. I went back and finished the rest despite it feeling more like an obligation than anything. I have to admit I'm not a fan of wrestling so I would've much rather seen some flesh being torn off with buckets of blood thrown around. These monsters do have teeth and claws for a reason so let them go berserk. They steal plenty of lines from Mortal Kombat for Lance Henriksen's voiceover yet all the gory carnage of that infamous game is missing just like its neutered film adaptation (sadly, that movie is still better than this). They also left out any spectators for the fights, which would've been a golden opportunity for some nightmarish contestant to run amok and paint the ground red. I like seeing each monster's origin, but the whole thing just disappoints in the end. Look at that Japanese poster. It's a million times better than the movie and shows you how awesome it could've been.

Rachelle Corbeil is the best part of this movie.

Review: The Purge (2013)

The concept is unique and pretty interesting even if it leaves you wondering why the rich couldn't just take a vacation to another country during the annual purge, but still, I'll admit I was entertained. There's plenty of dumb stuff like the daughter always going off by herself, not warning someone of immediate danger, not cutting someone loose who could help, etc. You also get a pointless stupid bit of cg blood. I do like Ethan Hawke though, and there is a fun action scene with him. Something ridiculous this film does over and over again is right when someone is about to be killed, there is a dramatic pause then a hero shoots the killer so the victim is saved. It happens like a million freakin times. It's actually hilarious. But I did like the main bad guy, a young spoiled Ivy League psycho. They don't flesh out his character at all, but he's pretty creepy and menacing. Also, I'm sure I'm just a gullible idiot, but I didn't see the end coming. I was surprised at what happened although it all feels unresolved and shallow. They also make Americans look pretty damn awful. If you're bored and got nothing better to watch, here you go.

You might remember... her... from... what was I talking about? Oh yeah, Dredd.

Adelaide Kane... I don't think she even has a character in The Purge, but she doesn't need one.

Review: World War Z (2013)

Better than expected. A lot of CGI, and in one scene, it's horribly obvious they're intentionally not showing a dead zombie's head wound, but still, there's plenty of tension, Brad Pitt makes a good lead, they've got some nice big set pieces like the bit in Israel, and (tiny spoiler) you get a batshit crazy scene on a plane, which I loved. Plus, I've never seen hordes of zombies like this so even if the CGI was unconvincing at times, I appreciate something new. I haven't read the book, and I understand the movie doesn't really follow it at all so I'm just looking at this as its own separate thing. Of course, I would've liked some more blood (of the corn-syrup kind, not computer generated), but I knew going in there wouldn't be much since they were aiming for a wider audience. I did see the unrated version, which I guess added a little more, but it was still pretty minimal. I wish we could see the original ending since that sounds interesting, but I liked what they did instead. It really was pretty good. It's nuts how The Walking Dead can get away with so much on TV where anyone can watch it yet a film like this can't show a head wound.

She wasn't in World War Z. What a shame.

Review: Crawlspace (2012)

This one really reminded me of The Dark Lurking except the performances were a lot better. In order to tell you the real problem though, I've got to spoil something so if you just want to see it for yourself without knowing anything, stop reading. Ok, here it is: there aren't any monsters in this movie. With the corridors from Alien and Aliens, you really expect some creatures or demons or something, but all you get is one animal that was experimented on. When I was watching it, I was excited since that happens kinda early on so I thought that was the tip of the iceberg. Nope, that's it. What they do instead is alright, but it would've been awesome with some unique, terrifying monsters. They've got some pretty cool characters with good actors in the roles. The thing is it all reminds me of Aliens minus the other major component of what made that film so memorable. By using that aesthetic and not delivering the goods, they shot themselves in the foot. It's not awful, but it could've been amazing.

Review: Under the Bed (2012)

Pretty disappointing. They spend so much time at the beginning with the kid hesitating to go into the house that it's almost comical, and it gets incredibly boring waiting for the monster to show up. The first scene is a long exchange in a car between father and son that seems to last forever. I read an interview with the director where he talked about using practical FX, and there is a guy in a suit for the monster, but then they did a lot of CG effects on top of it to make him move quickly. It really doesn't look very good at all. The real problem is the monster doesn't do anything until the end of the movie, and the dad is another asshole who puts his kids in harm's way to make them face their fears, but it's going way too far. Plus, early on, you get a scene with the step mom in a washer room that ends so abruptly I didn't understand how she got away or what happened. It's just a mess. I liked the gore at the conclusion, but it was such a huge change from the rest of the film, and when they're in the monster's world, the fact it's low budget becomes horribly obvious since the set is way too cheap and small.