Showing posts with label no budget. Show all posts
Showing posts with label no budget. Show all posts

Friday, December 7, 2012

Review: 13 Seconds (2003)

Fuckin shoot yourself in the head before you decide to watch this garbage. What's incredible with this shit storm is it actually ended up in Blockbuster! How bad is it? The dialogue doesn't even match the actor's lips! Yes, it may as well be a foreign film dubbed in English to kill us all. I'd rather have a space parasite harvest my organs for breakfast than try to sit through this bore fest. Their idea of acting is playing some full-retard robot with no soul. Hell, that's an insult to robots! You really can't understand how horrible acting can be until you've seen this, and the writing that comes out of these people's mouths will have you making a Ringu face of death. If you find this lurking about in a store or some smelly bargain bin, don't make eye contact. Run as fast and as far away as you can. It's the only hope you have of saving yourself. Don't you dare be fooled by those fake we-made-our-own-film-festival awards on the cover or any half-assed paid-off reviews. The twist at the end is fuckin stupid and just proves you've wasted your time.

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Review: Automaton Transfusion (2006)

See that quote from Bloody Disgusting? "One of the best zombie films in decades." Bullshit. This is by far one of the worst, and given the fact that anybody can make a zombie movie these days, that's saying a lot. You get a couple good special effects, but everything else is just awful. Even the look of the film itself is excruciatingly terrible with a jittery fucked-up framerate issue. The audio was obviously all recorded later so none of it sounds natural, and sometimes, the dialogue doesn't even sync up right. Forget character development or story. Continuity errors? Plot holes? Huge fuckin gaps in logic? Check, check, and check. You get completely stupid shit like zombies surrounding a house and then magically all disappearing 10 seconds later when the heroes have to flee. There's a wonderful scene of them driving in a jeep then all of a sudden, they're in a fuckin lake with no explanation or connection to the last shot. The title makes no sense. There isn't even a fuckin ending! Literally, it just stops with a "To Be Continued..." Who needs to actually bother finishing a movie? Not these guys! We shot some shit, slap a quote on it, package it (better pay that cover artist well), and you're done! The only reason to watch this movie is to be blown away at how unbelievably wretched it is. Even then you're liable to regret it.